Resolutions

As the start of the new year came and went, I thought of things I'd like to make an effort to change in 2011. One of my on-going goals is to be more "green". Despite saying in the past that I want to drive less, I've often used the car I have at my disposal instead of taking public transportation, out of convenience. Sometimes, even when I want to do something, I need incentive. So I bought myself a trolley/subway/bus pass so that I would not have an excuse to drive anymore, because now I can take public transportation for "free" (I play this little game with myself where something I paid for in the past is now free--and it works!). This resolution turns my half hour comfortable drive to and from work while listening to NPR into an hour to hour and a half commute each way on three different forms of public transit. I'm trying to embrace the longer commute while thinking about the gas money I'm saving and the air I'm not polluting (by myself) anymore.

Another resolution, which I have every year, is to be healthier. I have to admit that I eat much healthier than I ever have before, which has a lot to do with the vegetable-loving people I live with. I always liked vegetables, but have expanded my horizons to things I never cooked and rarely ate before--including collard greens, kale, beets, and squash, to name a few. This ties into my "green" resolution because I am now trying to buy the bulk of my food for the week at the local farmer's market, which means my food is traveling less distance to get to me, and because it is all food that is in season, less energy is used to grow it than many of the foods I would buy at the grocery store. Public transportation/biking instead of driving has forced me to do more walking and pedaling, which is better for the earth as well as my body--win, win!

I've been trying to cut down my paper consumption as well. I'm constantly perplexed when I hear people say that the paper products they're using have already been made, so there's no harm in using (or over-using them). I even know certain economics majors, whom I love dearly, who argue this. I came very close to failing economics 101, but the one concept I did grasp was the idea of supply and demand. I haven't bought any paper towels since May of last year (well, with one exception), and find that dish towels can do the job that any paper towel can do, and can be re-used--more times, even, than those paper towels on the commercials that you see the woman wringing out and re-using. Amazing. My one exception was a roll of paper towels that I keep far out of reach (so they're not convenient at all) under the sink, which I bought after a nausea-inducing episode with a friend's cat who got rather violently ill at my apartment this summer. I'll spare you the details on that one.

I have been trying to read more articles for school on the computer as opposed to printing them out. I still can't decide if it's worth my eyesight to do this. I have not yet stopped using toilet paper though, so rest easy.

These are my ongoing goals for the new year. I often feel discouraged at the state of our country and world in regards to many things, but especially people's respect for the environment. I have been inspired by the number of urban farms popping up in Philadelphia though, which not only help the land, but also the people living in the food deserts all over the city. I hope the trend continues to spread.

Joe-isms

It has been way too long since I've posted anything here. I was pretty overwhelmed with starting my graduate programs, and have been constantly overwhelmed since. It's a great program (MSW at UPenn), but it's a lot. One of the reasons I love it so much is that from day one, students are placed in the field three full days a week. I have always been more of a hands-on learner, and I think this aspect of the program really makes it stand out from others. I have wonderful, brilliant professors who make the two days I am in the classroom an enjoyable experience. My favorite professor, who taught "Foundations for Social Work Practice"--our only year-long course which revolved around our field placements, died tragically in a bike accident in the middle of the semester. In the short time I knew him, I learned so much, and actually remembered what I learned weeks later. He made me excited to get up on Wednesday mornings and show up in our window-less classroom at 9am. Every class was like a comedy routine, filled with personal anecdotes about social work practice, from his 30 or so years as a private practitioner. His energy and enthusiasm for the field filled up the room, made people smile, and often made me crack up. Another gift he had was making people feel unique and special. He remembered everyone by name, and when he visited our field placements, he raved about us to our supervisors, telling them how lucky they were to have us. One could argue that anyone could talk up a student, but he would actually quote things we had said in class, or bring up a small part of our histories we had shared the first day during introductions. I often remember little things he said, or advice he gave about social work practice. This week, a classmate started an email that has been circulating with different "Joe-isms" people wrote down in their notes from class. I leave you with them:

"Social workers have to know how to do good phone"

"Get to know the receptionist and support staff at any agency. they are the Main Grape on the gossip vine."

When you're on a home visit, never sit down in the kitchen." --this was never explained

(Comparing the medical model) "you came to see me, there's something wrong with you" (with the 'Social Work jargon model') "oh no, everything's beautiful, we'll be friends!"

(On referring to George W. Bush talking about "terrorists) *They hate us because of our freedom. No, they hate us because we've been bombing their asses for the past 30 years.

"Less said, best said sometimes."

"He who laughs, lasts." -Mary Poole

"Wherever you are, be there." -Ghandi

"When you find your place, practice begins." -Dogen

(On clinical practice) "There isn't a damn thing we do in social work that doesn't require clinical practice."

(On something a text book author said about assessment) "Social workers can also obtain records from other sources... yeah good luck getting that."

"We’re social workers, we’re not Republicans"

"If you ever want to understand how the world works, go outside and look at the Wharton Business School building. Then look at Castor. Look at Wharton. Look at Castor. You’ll get it"

"If you’re going into Social Work, you’re already a yenta."

"Don’t have sex with your clients. EVER."

"Social workers are historically the dowdiest dressers in an office."

"Don’t use your clients’ real names when you talk about them. Whenever I accidentally do that, I cover it up by saying, 'But of course that’s not their real name.' Works every time. Well, it did."

(On contracting) "Successful contracting helps the client want what they need."

(On making sure the client understand the contract) "Do it early, do it clearly."

(On strengths perspective) "There is tremendous power in the spoken word. What we say and how we say it matters."

(On beginnings / building a relationship with clients) "Clients don't come to you because they need a friend."

(On middles) "Like walking in mud."

(On endings) "You are always going to be dealing with endings."

Moving forward, Looking back

Today is my lst official day as a full-time nanny. It has been 10 months since I started this job with these three families, and what a ride it has been. It has been much more challenging than I ever thought it would be, but it has also been so much more rewarding that I could have ever expected.

The three families I worked for were all extremely different in terms of parenting styles, foods eaten, schedules, styles of discipline, and common activities for the kids. This was a major challenge in itself, because I was constantly adjusting to going back and forth betwee each one as each day and week passed. Even something as simple as what each kid called going to the bathroom, be it "going to the potty, making a fountain, or using the bathroom" was hard for me to keep track of and consistent for each indidividual at times. During my ten months, all three, three- year-old, boys were successfully potty trained. They all took different routes, and there were times, I admit, that I never thought they'd learn how to pull up their pants, much less actually use the toilet. I never could have imagined the satisfaction and feeling of success that a potty trained kid can bring, until I experience this with them and with their parents.

I often thought of these three boys, the three-year-olds, in terms of how they filled something up. I mean this in the most literal sense, of filling up a bucket with sand, or a glass with water. C, who is extremely smart and overly cautious, would fill something up about a half inch below the top of whatever he was pouring into. K, who is pretty well rounded and easy going, would fill it up pretty much exactly to the line. L, who is a wild child and likes to screech and laugh most of the time, would just keep pouring the sand or water into the bucket until there was nothing left in the original container, no matter how much it overflowed. These simple observations say so much about their personalities and temperments, and give me a little bit of a sense of what they will be like when they're older.

The younger siblings of these three boys really came a long way in the ten months as well. When I started working, T (K's little brother) was only 5 months old. He couldn't sit up yet, and taking care of him pretty much consisted of bottle feedings and diaper changing, and putting him in a bouncy seat. Now he is 15 months old, and went from sitting up to crawling to walking, to running in that short time. He now has such a strong, bubbly personality and loves to joke and laugh.

A (L's little brother) was just shy of 15 months old when I started, and wasn't walking yet. He started at about 18 months old, and is now running all over the place, like any almost two-year-old. He also started talking over the past ten months and now has a very large vocabulary. He recently started saying my name, which comes out as "Sah", but is unmistakeable. A loves to climb things and horse around. He does well at keeping up with his big brother, who I think likes him a lot better now that they can play together.

Baby A (C's little sister) was not even born yet when I started working for her family. She was born in January, a couple weeks later than expected. She just turned 6 months old, and despite a lot of health problems related to her digestive system, is one of the happiest babies I've ever met. She smiles and shrieks and giggles, pretty much all the time. She went from being a tiny little floppy baby, to a big round chubby, jolly little girl. It amazes me that when I first met her family, she wasn't even out in the world yet.

I could go on and on about the wonders of watching these kids grow over the past year. I sometimes think about how I could create a whole resume based on the last ten months that includes skills such as being an expert wooden railroad track builder, making up dozens of stories on the spot, drawing all sorts of things by request (even when I'm not quite sure what they are), getting kids to eat things they've never tried, successful potty training, and best of all:finding patience and energy when I feel like there is nothing left in me.

I am so grateful to these six children and their families for what they have given me this year. I plan to keep in touch with them and continue watching them occasionally while I am in grad school next year. I sure will miss their happy little faces running to the door when I walk in. I wonder if there is any better way to start work than that.

Unintentional Eavesdropping

While I am taking care of small children, I tend to hear a lot of things that either I feel like I shouldn't hear, or that really just shock me. Unfortunately, when these things are overheard, I am usually only in the company of one or two children, who are totally oblivious to it, and would probably still be if I explained the whole scenario.

Yesterday, for example, I was sitting in my usual spot on the little platform below the fish tank in the "Inside Out" kids room at the Academy Of Natural Sciences. C was doing what he always does, making sand piles and "roads" in the big sandbox they have there. I was sifting through my head for interesting things to think about, or interesting people to text, to get me through the inevitable hour of watching C play with the sand (he never really wants anyone to play with him). Then a man walks in, who could be classified as a "crazy person". He's kind of hunched over and wearing HUGE thick black rimmed glasses...and he's the only person who is above the age of 5 who isn't chaperoning someone under the age of 5. You might think that the outrageous thing I overheard came from him. But wait. The man starts talking to one of the young volunteers there, who seemed to be about thirteen years old. He asks if he can see some creature called "Whip". As I watch this girl take down the little plastic terrarium that "Whip" lives in, I start wondering what "Whip" is. I figured it was a lizard, until the girl reaches in and starts beckoning to a terrifying looking insect with eight long legs and a HUGE abdomen that looks like a bird's egg. My skin was crawling. Apparently, so was the "crazy" man's because he made a comment expressing so. Then the girl says "Aww, don't worry, he's really a sweetie once you get to know him". About a creepy scorpion! Within 5 minutes, she also called the giant Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches "sweeties" too. Yuck.

The next one happened when I was at the playground with K and T. We were sitting in one corner of the playground, when the local daycare brought all their kids over to play. My favorite part of this (aside from all the cute stumbling babies) is the daycare workers, who just fascinate me with their conversation. The other day one of the women was going inside the rec center to get drinks for she and her co-worker. They were scrounging up change when they suddenly stopped, fascinated by one of the coins. The following is the dialogue I heard:

One woman: "Wow! Look at this quarter!"
Other woman: "What is that on it?"
Both women simultaneously: "Eee...Eee Pluriboos...Eee Pluriboos Ewnum"
One woman: "What are we celebrating the Spanish now? These new quarters are crazy!"

I just stood there, probably with my mouth hanging open, staring at these women in disbelief, searching around me desperately for someone who had heard this and was as shocked as I was. But all I saw were little, smiling, stumbling babies running around and screeching. Ignorance is bliss.

The Innocent Ones

Although I prefer it to sitting in an office all day, spending fifty hours a week with six kids ages 3 and under, and occasionally their parents is not always easy. As I have stated in earlier posts, three year olds are especially difficult to relate to. They are easily frustrated and at times seem bipolar in how fast their moods change from one extreme to another.

Sometimes I look at these kids though--these kids I have gotten to know so well. I look at their little bodies and I want to freeze them in time. I want to keep them where they are: where the most emotional pain they feel is when their brother takes the ball they were using, or when they can't have the snack they want. They all have their families intact--mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters are alive and healthy. They aren't having identity issues, they aren't worried about their hair or their weight and hey aren't having their hearts broken by people they love. Their little worlds are nearly perfect, and they are completely unaware of anything happening outside of their homes.

I know that they can't go through life avoiding all pain or hardship. They'll have to face scarier things than the darkness of their room at night and more tragic things than the tower they built falling down. I just wish there was some way I could tell them to appreciate this time. Or a way I could prevent them from having to deal with anything that would hurt them. I guess that is life though, and that's how we become the people we are. For now, I will enjoy that innocence for them. I hope that some day, at least one of them will have a reflective experience similar to mine, that allows them to experience this gratitude I feel knowing that I too had that time of innocence.

breakthroughs

I have made a couple breakthroughs with the kids I spend every day with in the past couple of weeks. As I have said before, L, and I don't always see eye to eye on everything. We butt heads a lot, and don't always "get along", one could say. His younger brother, A, is always wanting to snuggle with me, but L usually keeps his distance. The other day though, when he woke up from his nap, he walked over to me and held up his arms for me to pick him up. When I did he put his head on my shoulder, tucked his arms under mine, and just laid there for a while. It was so sweet. Then he started grinding his teeth and I had to put him down. None the less, I considered it a breakthrough.

C, who is another very challenging 3 year old, very seldom laughs. The only time I've really seen him laugh is when he knows he's doing something "naughty" in his words, and is laughing to make sure I am aware that he's doing something wrong. There are things I do with C, that I don't do with some of the other kids, because without other siblings/kids around that are within his age range, he is seldom told "no" and doesn't ever have to share things. Examples of this are not letting him draw on my page when we are coloring, or not letting him use a block I have for a period of time until I'm done...even though I don't really care that much about my crayon picture or tower I'm building. I figure this teaches him that he needs to respect peoples' space and that he doesn't have authoritative power over everything he sees. Maybe it just makes me feel better. Anyway, I was having a difficult day with C, where he was bossing me around, telling me to pick something up after he dropped it, etc, etc. We went outside to play soccer, and since I was feeling slightly annoyed with him, when he went to pick his soccer ball up I moved it a little to the left with my foot. I wondered what his reaction would be, and to my great surprise he laughed! I did it again and he laughed even more! C thought this was the funniest thing he'd ever seen! We actually had a lot of fun together for the next half hour or so, playing this game of keep away (of course I let him get it every 3rd or 4th time). I can't say that there have been many times I've had fun wtih C, so I think this definitely qualifies as another breakthrough.

On another note, I was just watching A play with his dog, who he loves and is driven crazy by in almost equal parts. His head is right at the level of the dog's head, so he is often being followed by her with her tongue on his face, licking of remnants of lunch, or in some cases, snot. Today though, he was actually standing face to face with her, opening his mouth and letting her lick inside it for as long as he could stand before he cracked up, presumably because it tickled so much. It was hilarious and disgusting. Hilariously disgusting.

Melt Down

For some reason I was dreading the start of this week with C, and my psychic capabilities must have been on key because today C had meltdowns about EVERYTHING. The day started off normally, with him being happy I had come, and then showing me everything in the apartment he is not supposed to touch.

The first tantrum was about wanting a circle to be a square. He kept asking me to make his train tracks loop back a certain way to connect to the ones we had already built. When I started using the curved pieces to do this, he started ripping them out and screaming/crying/drooling--generally freaking out. I asked him what was wrong and he said he wanted it to be a square. I told him that if he wanted it to loop back, it had to be a circle, that a square wasn't going to work in the space we had. Tantrums ensued for the next twenty minutes.

The next tantrum he had was about wanting a white crayon to write on white paper. It was the only crayon, out of the 24 possible, that he wanted to use. And he wanted it to write on the white paper. Another 10 minute of crying.

The final (major) tantrum in the four hours I was with C this morning, was when we were halfway to the Franklin Institute, which is about a half mile from his house, and he decided he wanted to wear a different coat. He cried almost the entire way to the museum, because he wanted to change coats. Luckily, as I have said in a previous post, when he cries, he generally walks faster. I've become pretty good at blocking out the noise, though I still notice the stares I get as people walk by.

C had one more tantrum about wanting to go into his apartment building via another door, but it didn't last very long. He was probably just too exhausted from the all the "tantrumming" he had done earlier.

What a morning.